lol

tho... she always said other things like, EVERY TIME i cry in front of her, she says, "stop crying! its annoying, i hate cry babys" and look i said it EXACTLY. So every time im about to cry on public, i run to the nearset bath room and wash my tears off, it almost feels like if i was about to rip my eyes open

i got many traumas by her words and... now that every time i try playing or distracting myself, not caring for once if she is with me like she likes. (i know computer are bad for the eyes) but she doesnt says "its bad for you sweetie, you must get out and do some thing else would ya?" INSTEAD, she says, "COME ON, LETS GO SURFING WITH ME" OH YEAH?! DONT YOU KNOW IM AFRAID OF SURFING MOM?! THAT THANKS TO YOU I GOT A PHOBIA OF FREAKING CRYING AND OF THE FREAKING SURFING WITH YA?! (long story) FOR ONCE, i find some thin that she would like that i would do, get away from her side and do some thing else, and every time i try, and try, AND TRY AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN TO DO SOME THING WITH ME SHE SAYS SHE ALREADY DONE IT

i... i feel like i shouldnt be appreciated by ANY adult, that i should only try to find a way to talk that isnt my family... i feel i even need a PHYCOLOGIST, MY GRAND MA IS ONE AND I CANT TRUST A WORD TO HER! after the car acsident, she only tried to see if im healthy and warm like always, BUT SHE NEVER CARED THAT I WAS DEPRESSED AND WITH ANXIETY

I WAS TRAUMATITHISE

I HAD DEPRESSION

I HAD ANXIETY

AND GUESS WHAT? NO BODY ON MY FAMILY...... ever cared about what i felt.....

thanks TwT