This quarantine shit is pissing me off. I’m legit going to hurt someone

Today I woke up and my little brother was being a brat I found out my mom was sick. Then when I couldn’t sleep I asked my sister for a pencil. SHE HAS TONS! ****ing ***** didn’t even give me one. Then I found a spider in my room and I was freaking out so my parents told me to shut the **** up.

I just wanna sleep forever. It’s not like I had any talent anyway. Nothing makes me special. I’m not funny. Or kind. I’m nothing.

It’s scaring me. My mind is resorting to self harm. I’m so done with this. I haven’t gone outside in what feels like forever. Why is everyone ignoring me all of a sudden? What did I do wrong? I feel sick.

It’s another reason I stay up at night. I stay up to avoid contact with my family. But I also stay up because I’m worried. I’m worried about this sickness thing and I’m scared of the real world. Because I’ve learned so much about these crazy people who go around killing people and I’m scared that, if I’m not awake at night, I won’t be able to protect my family. I know in the morning that they’ll be awake so they can protect me. I just want to help them, why don’t they want to help me? I’m trying to be nice! I don’t get it

I want to die?? Again. Again. And again. What’s the point if we’re going to be in a constant state of fear? I’m supposed to stay strong. That’s what my therapist said. But I can’t. I’m scared. There are so many messed up things in the world my anxiety is going to kill me. I just want to breathe

I can’t breathe...I wanna but I can’t. My head hurts and my ears a ringing. I want to cry

And of course...no one gives a shit.

My whole state is under quarantine