no one cares, even if it happened for years. for years i was alone to keep everything a secret. but once i start feeling safe, they ****ing still try talk to me. i want them to rot.

ive tried to commit suicide 2 times. maybe if i did that i thought, id be safe again. but no, im now selfish im so broke on this. maybe i should've swallowed more and overdosed.

im not nice, im not cute or even able to hold a conversation without getting scared. i cant do school at all. im left handed, i have glasses. i like skirts and oversized shirts and sweaters. i dont eat unless i really have to. i like getting high until i take huge naps. i like coloring. im tired. i was molested in my sleep so many times. im tired.

im crying right now, trying to be quiet. i like cosplays. i like my cats. i like cute pillows. i like mallgoth and lolita fashion. i like dirty jokes. i like anime. i like boys. i like it when people have dry humor. i like faking death. i like no one.

good, i stopped crying after typing that out. now my eyeliner is all smudgy.

i wish saying "im happy" can come true every time. im forced to be nice to people i dont even like or else ill be alone. i just want someone to relate to. but everyone is so different. and im so plain.

im so predictable that people get bored of me. i know they got bored of me. i can tell.