BASICALLY- Back then, i was spoiled by my parents (not to the point i became a spoiled brat). They just- bought me and my brothers things that we wanted. It was all good until after i turned 4. My parents got into an argument that led down to us being taken to Florida. Back then, i was innocent, didn't know what the world was like, and just happy. But being happy didn't last long. We lived with my abusive grandfather, who neglected me and my brothers, abused my mother, and always argued. there were also teenagers which i didn't like at all. My mom had to work most the day and we were forced to be watched by our grandparents and 'cousins' i guess. They forced us to drink beer and other stuff. they abused US. Sooner or later, we moved. When I was going to kindergarten, i couldn't stand being away from family members, and no one knew what i was going through at the moment. First day of school i cried because i wasn't with ANYONE in my family. (more lol)

In class, I was the center of attention. I was easily liked. People liked me, and was weird for me because i hated meeting new people back then. I hated people period. Then this girl came along. I was ignored. No one cared about me. And it made me feel empty inside. I felt like i was a no one. After kindergarten, i was separated from my family. I was forced to live with an aunt of mine. It wasn't bad there. It was just... The place wad infested with frogs and lizards/geckos. I was always scared of them because of how slimy, quick, and small they were. Especially because of how they managed to get in the house. One time i found a lizard in the shower with me, and after that, i never used that shower ever again. (Thank goodness we had two bathrooms) WELL THEN- By this time- i had forgotten that i had a father. Because he was trying to get us back and we were stuck with relatives. I've never really grew up with our parents to be honest. (Still moee :') )

SO- Me and my brothers had went to our grandparents house to spend the weekend with them, which was horrible. Some guy that we didn't know lived there. And i didn't like him. Not one bit. One time, he had forced my older brother out of the house along with me so the three of us could go to the park. BUT NO- he only made my brother go there, while i was stuck with him. It was scary because he was at least 10-13 years older than me, and my brother was somewhere alone. He pulled me into an alley way- and he forced me to do things that- no 4-6 year old should be doing. (YES- I ****ING DID BAD BAD SEX STUFF BECAUSE I WAS YOUNG AND HE FORCED ME TO) So yeah. But that wasn't all. (Still more- but it's gonna go downhill fast so ima just narrow it down a little)

SO- YEYE- um we went back to that hell hole again and ye- i was ****ing raped by a 13-16 year old while i was like- 5-6 at that time. No one ever knew, AND I MEAN NO ONE- We left and was finally with my mother. I had a LONG cut mark from when a part of my hair was cut down to the scalp. And we moved again. We lived in ANOTHER apartment. One night i was sick, but turns out i wasn't sick. I was coughing/ throwing up blood. And my little brother's ribs were fractured. So we ended up in the hospital- Pretty much, i was gonna die- and my brother had broken bones. We moved after getting out of the hospital. And nothing much changed. I've had been touched in private areas by random kids. And never realized it until second grade. The uniform that past!alana is wearing is the outfit i wore when i was touched like that.

NOW IN BALTIMORE-- I'VE BEEN BULLIED AND NEARLY RAPED. I'VE BEEN TOUCHED IN PLACES I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH PEOPLE TOUCHING. AND I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF HEARTBRAKES. Back then, i was usually happy, an introvert, quiet, and never liked being with people other than my family. But now, i'm a ****ing mess. I have sexual desires, i've been sad so often, i lie about how i feel, i rarely act like myself, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM, i let people manipulate me, i let them use me then throw me out. AND I SEEK ATTENTION IRL. I HATE BEING IGNORED AND ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE BY MY SIDE- I GET EASILY JEALOUS- AND ALWAYS WANT SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO- But. After all the shit i've been through. I'm not depressed. Or at least i think i'm not.

I am. I told my father about it. And he helped me, alot.

e- i'm glad i told him.