Oscar, to Monty: My life is in the hands of an idiot! Monty, motioning to themself and Morale: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Oscar: Are you sure this is the right direction? Monty: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest! Morale: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Oscar: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me Monty: Okay, but in my defense, Morale bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo. Oscar: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!

Oscar: I told Monty their ears flush when they lie. Morale: Why? Oscar: Look. Oscar: Hey Monty! Do you love us? Monty, covering their ears: No. Morale:

Oscar, texting Monty: Monty! Help I’m being kidnapped Morale: Where are you? Oscar: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help. Monty: I’ll call Morale. Morale, answering their cell: Y’ello? Monty: Where’s Oscar? They texted me that they were being kidnapped. Morale: Oscar? Whaddya mean, they're right next to me- Morale: Morale: I’ll call you back. *hangs up* Morale: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD! Oscar: WHO ARE YOU?!

Morale: Why are you on the floor? Monty: I'm depressed. Monty: Also I was stabbed, can you get Oscar, please.

Oscar: Morale, can I talk to you for a second? Morale: Yeah, what’s up? Lemme guess. You and Monty are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Oscar: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Oscar: Monty, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Monty: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Oscar: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Morale.

Morale: What time is it? Monty: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out Monty: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune* Oscar: WHO THE **** IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING Monty: It’s 2 am

Morale, whispering to Monty, who’s on the phone with Morale: Ask them something! Monty: How are you feeling? Oscar: Fine. Morale: Something personal! Monty: At what age did you first get your period?

Oscar: HELP! I TOLD MORALE I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Monty, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Morale: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Oscar: You’re a hazard to society Monty: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Monty: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Morale: You were flirting with Oscar. Monty: So what? They're my partner. Morale: You asked them if they were single. Monty: Morale: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

*Oscar and Morale sitting in jail together* Monty: So who should we call? Oscar: I’d call Monty, but I feel safer in jail

Oscar, trying to ask Monty out: Would you like to stay for dinner? Morale: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

Oscar: Monty, keep an eye on Morale today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Monty: Sure, I’d love to see Morale get punched. Oscar: Try again. Monty, sighing: I will stop Morale from getting punched.

Oscar: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Monty: You people already know too much about me. Morale: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Oscar: I trust Monty. Morale: You think they know what they're doing? Oscar: I wouldn't go that far.

Oscar: If Monty and I were drowning, who would you save? Morale: You two can’t swim? Monty: It’s a hypothetical question, Morale! who would you save? Morale: my time and effort.

*The squad is having dinner together* Oscar: Monty, can you pass the salt? Monty: *Throws Morale across the table*

Oscar: WHY. why did you give Morale a KNIFE?! Monty: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe. Oscar: Now I feel unsafe! Monty: I’m sorry. Monty: ... would you like a knife?

Oscar: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life Monty: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Oscar: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Morale: edible

Oscar: I know you snuck out last night, Monty. Morale: Play dumb! Monty: Who's Monty? Morale: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Oscar: Morale, my old arch enemy. Monty: ... I thought I was your arch enemy? Oscar: I have a life outside of you, Monty.

Oscar: What did you do with Morale's body? Monty: What didn’t I do with the body? Oscar: Monty: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

Morale: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on. Oscar: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Monty isn’t

Oscar: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'? Morale: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated- Monty: Smad.

Oscar: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold? Monty: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house. Morale: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million. Monty: Good thinking.

Oscar: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it Morale: Just rip the bandage off. Oscar: It’s Monty. Morale: Put the bandage back on.

Oscar: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited Monty: If? Morale: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Oscar: Monty and I don’t use pet names. Morale: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Oscar: Honey? Monty: Yes, dear? Oscar: Morale: Don't ever lie to my face again.

Oscar: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Monty: The cow??? Oscar: What? Morale: Monty, W H Y?

Oscar: While I’m gone, Monty, you’re in charge. Monty: Yes!!! Oscar, whispering: Morale, you’re secretly in charge. Morale: Obviously.

Morale: Hey, Oscar? Can I get some dating advice? Oscar: Just because I’m with Monty doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Oscar: Monty and I are having a baby. Morale: That's gre- Oscar, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

Oscar: They stole from me first! Monty: Mhm. Oscar: Stole my heart... Morale: It is still illegal to commit murder.