Recently, a lot has been changing, and it's getting overwhelming...

I have a lot of trouble speaking my feelings, so sorry if this seems all over the place.

I'm sorry if I made it seem like I hate you guys. I don't! I love you all and you make me so happy that your there. I'm just an idiot...

I express my feelings in my drawings a LOT of the time, so that's why I have a lot of so called "Edgy" drawings.

Last years December, I lost someone who I thought were my friend. Turns out, It wouldn't work out.

She used the word "edgy" a lot, and at that point, I didn't like it then either.

She hurt my feelings so many times, said anime was stupid and she said I shouldn't like it, She embarrassed me, and that was even after I comforted her when she was hurt.

I gave her so many chances, hoping she would be a little less rude, but it just got worse.

Finally, we had our final fight, and we blocked each other off.

So, when I saw someone call my drawings "edgy", all the old feelings rushed in with all my new feelings, and I broke down.

I was so hurt, I felt like dying.

I have a lot of anxiety, and I've been fighting it ever since I was 9. It all started out with trouble breathing, and I would cry and cry, run outside and try my best to breathe.

I recently found out about a phobia, that I felt like I related to so much, it was scary.

It was called, autophobia.

Autophobia, also called monophobia, isolophobia, or eremophobia, is the specific phobia of isolation; a morbid fear of being egotistical, or a dread of being alone or isolated. Sufferers need not be physically alone, but just to believe that they are being ignored or unloved.

I feel scared and annoyed at myself to cry or show that I'm weak inside to other people.

So, I hold everything up, and I don't talk to anyone about it. I try my hardest to hold it away from my family, my friends, everyone.

And soon, I feel like it all wants to explode.

I feel like giving up, like crying myself to sleep, like... dying.

And it scares me.

Thankfully, I'm too much of a scaredy cat to actually cut myself, or to try to commit suicide.

I get so caught up in my feelings, sometimes I even lose my breath, and all my old anxieties come back.

When this happens, I go take a shower, or I do something I like. I especially like to watch Markiplier or Aphmau. (The two YouTubers who inspire me the most.)

Thank you all for still being here for me, even after all this terrible drama/acting out I've done.

Thank you. That would be very appreciated.

Thank you. :>