I’m lowk s armed for this school year the summer made me realize how many of my friends were actually just people who r friendly with me at school And everyone that I did consider a friend graduated and is going to collage I’m gonna have to be adopting freshmen this year like all of my friends do But signing up for dual enrollment 2 ap classes an all year advanced class while having to repeat chem and geometry was NOT a good idea I can already feel the burnout ESP considering I’m going into my junior year and I’m gonna have to start researching collages and preparing for all that

I’m not looking forward to another year of chemistry though I’m thinking I’m gonna see if I can switch it to physical science cause although it’d be a class of freshmen and sophomores that idk but it isn’t chemistry that’s what matters I ****ing hated that class And considering there’s only 1 teacher for it I am not putting up with ms renners favoritism for another year

Got literally no glowup though😒 Just a few more peircing scars and diff haircut no new clothes or nothin and that sucks Actually ig I got a car I’ve been fixing it up and trying to clean it out before we put it in my name cause I am not paying for it to get detailed that’s a waste of money when I can just use the neighbors handheld vacuum and gas station shit to clean the windows

I got down to 0g on my ears though👅 and I’m gonna recolor my hair red tmrw so it’s the right shade by the time the school year starts

I lied I’m actually super excited I think I’ve got a crazy amount of anxiety when it comes to people and school and esp homework but I’m gonna actually make friends this year Freshman year I talked to like 2-3 people and last year fianlly started opening up and trying to make other friends who r outside of my own little circle of neurodivergent art kids and it’s actually been great Like I haven’t done too much this summer outside of spending time with Ethan’s family and my cats but I’ve got to my first few parties and ppl I’ve never thought I’d actually get along with and enjoy just like Talking with I’ve had a really great time with I just need time to feel the crowd yk I’m hoping this year will be more like that I need a friend group I can actually be myself with comfortably with Like when I’m not high or have had a drink it’s really hard to unmask and just like feel natural while socializing and I’d really like to work on that cause I do genuinely like befriending new people it’s just hard to not fee

Feel awkward at first or like idk Be kinda a lot at first then tone it down into my normal self where I don’t feel like I have to always put up this front then like Idk I get the vibe people get bored of me Or get the wrong impression of me at first so when they get to know me they’re just not into it I’m pirating the walking dead since were not able to afford Netflix no more since my moms paying the mortgage on her own now and the site stopped giving me captions and I can’t understand shit without the words

I love FA now there’s like a tops of 150 people on here and the majority only hop on here and there And half of my posts r shitty journal entries I’m kinda here for it But also kinda miss the old days being entertained on here all day every day esp during the pandemic those days hit different with all the wwyds and working on ocs and all the petty drama on here Younger me always thought I’d have all the followers and cool ass artists on here my friends and I find that so silly now cause I’m very proud of the progress I’ve made art and writing wise but I never would have imagined me in the place I am now Ignoring the fact that I thought I’d be the prettiest man ever Sometimes I still do wish for that actually outside of Ethan I think I would’ve been a bit happier if I kept following that route But tbh I think I kinda just stopped out of the safety it made me feel It’s easier presenting as a girl or at least fem presenting non-binary, it’s a lot easier than when I’d been trying to be trans and after

Coming to that realization I think I’ve grown to like myself a lot more than I used to Like genuinely I used to cry so much cause my body just didn’t feel right and I wanted to b someone else From like 2020-22 I had such genuinely horrible mental health and a terrible mindset and was honestly a really bad friend to a lot of people And I’m glad I’ve gotten better about that cause I really do regret a lot of it And that’s honestly why I’m kinda scared to go back to trying to explore gender identity cause although I think it could help me a lot and help me to understand a lot of what I was feeling then in a healthier light and mindset Idk if it’d be worth it Not to mention actually putting myself in that position of like The possibility of presenting myself in this world as a guy I think about it daily already I’ve gotten better about gender dysphoria And even eating, since 2020 or 2021 I remember that’s when eating started getting hard and treating my body like an actual person was harder than getting

Out of bed everyday and I still struggle with that a lot but I think it’s been getting better ESP working at the resturaunt I get full meals for very cheap so I’ve been eating generally at least 1-2 meals every day which is a lot better than it used to be but like at least once or twice a month I go through gm this like 1-2 week thing where I just need to work out and not eat and cry over not having a body I like I think if I started trying to be a guy again it’d get a lot worse and I’d stop liking the way I look again I don t want to go back to crying every other night cause I hate myself Actually though Should I get more of a shag haircut 😏 I think it’d be hot I would do it myself but I can’t cut layers very good in curly hair And my bangs look like dog shit rn cause I cut them myself Do I want a haircut before school or a vertical labret peircing😫 My mom said I can get whatever piercing as long as it isn’t my eyebrows and I pay for it myself or at least half if it’s a lot I’d lowk rock

Some eyebrow piercings though I think they look nice with faces shaped like mine I like how they look on both sides of the face For the longest time I wanted snakebites but idk now cause I feel like the healing would suck and they’re terrible for ur gums Idk I just want a lip piercing I’ve gotten compliments on my lips and it’s an excuse to buy more jewelry I probably don’t need

Goodbye now I’d give a kiss on the forehead to anyone that read through all that👅👅