ugh pls i just wanna be in a fulfilling relationship,, yes i love him but im cussing jealous of other couples for some reason. im so tired and anxious bc i dont wanna ask him for more,, hes barely talking to me anymore,, i dont wanna ask bc hes probably gonna take it as hes not enough for me and thats not what i want,, im scared hes falling out of love,, I dont want him to,, im scared i dont want to lose him pls i just got him back pls i love him,,

also why am i so slow?? like I'm literally slow. its this stupid phone. i make fun of my brother for being obsessed w screen things like video games but fr im on my phone almost all the time. im obsessed and i think its unhealthy,, i suck at breaking habits. theres no way. im gonna be slow and distracted for the rest of my life. i get distracted too easily and i hate it. pls i really dont like it. it makes me feel horrible when i become aware of it and even worse when my family makes fun of me for it. just a few days ago my mom cussed at me. she doesnt cuss,, she treated me like a baby and i had a horrible day. i just wish i could be normally paced and have a healthy screen time and just be more normal ugh

also not to mention how cussing useless i am to my friends. they say im "the parent" of the group, but no one listens to their cussing parents. if im your friend then treat me like one. part of that includes letting me help you. pls i just wanna help. ugh i can never help any of you guys can i? all i can do is make you guys playlists and quote music at you guys bc ive already used all my words but you didnt even listen to them. they had no power over you. i dont know how to help anyways and im scared im going to lose you someday and its going to be my fault bc i couldnt do anything else. i have to give you guys everything. i cant keep any of it for myself. i have to give away all my flame. i dont care if mine goes out as long as yours are still burning

i just wanna be good,, i wish i was the person everyone wants me to be.. good grades, physically strong, happy all the time, sweet, good at helping.... heck, id even be cishet if that's what you guys'd want. i just want to make everyone happy. i wanna be cute and pretty and hot not just when i draw myself but in real life. people call me wholesome but thats just not the same thing and i dont like it. i hate it i hate it why do i have to look like this. so asymmetrical and stupid i cant even wash my hair properly. i hate my chest. pls just make it go away,, make my whole body go away,,

its okay,, if you want you could watch this mini series on youtube and you could talk abt it w me or ask random questions while i rant abt it 👀

i will thanks its called little pickle town,, its a mini series and it starts with this is home,,

im not gonna hurt myself pls dont worry,, im okay really just exhausted

i wont die pls kiddo im fine pls dont worry about me