I was looking through some old stuff. Found something my dad wrote me, he never writes, or has written me anything when he was in the military, since I was young and couldnt read at that time. I.. know why I cant remember my childhood, my brain blocked out the memory i would assume. And so that happened.. and now I'm just watching youtube, and i randomly get this feeling like I'm unloved, I try to disagree but my head continues to think of things that are possibly true. I barely ever if not never get told the three words and 8 letters thank can stop suicide, "I love you". I barely hear these words, especially from my own family. The pain in my chest keeps getting worse. I can hide it for about a week or month, depending on how bad it is, but right now it hurts too much that I wanna curl up into a ball and cry. I have to do so much to get noticed. Sometimes I think that maybe if I just end it all everything would be better, but I cant. It cant get better if I die knowing I'm hurting the ones I love.