for ****'s sake i don't consider myself an artist i never have and i don't know if i ever will but if i stop what will i be. i'm not even halfway decent at much else my writing depends on my art and so do even a bunch of my friendships i want to be known for something, i don't want to be a nobody i don't want to fade into the background, but attention makes me uncomfortable i don't want to be forgotten but being remembered scares me i want to be loved but at this point i'm not even sure if i'm capable of that how can i love anyone else if i can't even manage to love myself i don't want to be the gifted kid burnout but i don't think i can be much else than an art school dropout and a disappointment to my family

i want to have a future and i don't want to be alone but i also want to dropout of high school and yell at everyone to shut the **** up and to run away and to just be able to cry and laugh and smile with no strings attached i want to be somebody to someone but i don't want to be somebody's someone, because i'm already my me and i'm not capable of much else i know i'm a shitty boyfriend, i know i don't pay enough attention, i know i don't talk enough and ghost everyone i care about lmao step one to see if dante cares about you: does he ever obsessively talk to you or ghost you? if so, then most likely yes. if not, then also yes.

i'm a poor student, i know i know i don't even try i know i know i know i hate being a burden to everyone but i don't know if I can help it shit i mean i can't even ****ing eat without someone forcing me to