shorter time means shorter wait ugh wish i had more classes with my cousins i wish my favorite cousin didnt get ADDICTED **** why are people so pushy and influential she wouldnt be locked up in her house, barely seeing us every so often if it werent for that son of a *****, god i want to ring him neck into a pulp and fuvkignbghng i hate people amn i hate these ****ing sellers and doers why dont they just all stop and realize it REALLY DOESNT make them any cooler.

every single time i realize oh yeah my uncle does it and so does a few other cousins the more i realize our community is doomed full ****ing doomed all these mother ****ers care about is their dumb vapes and the rep like please, learn how to take a field trip and not embarrass our culture department leader by sneaking away and getting drunk. positive drug tests and shit **** im so sick of these people sometimes why can you just actually appreicate what you have, your parents get money a good amount a month. You get money IF you have good grades. The tribe has given every single ****ing HOUSEHOLD ON THE REZ an internet/wifi connection. and yet i still feel like some of my cousins who are around my age arent GRATEFUL i got all i ever wanted when i had a phone, an ipad, a laptop and a drawing tablet with a screen, a switch a ps4 there was nothing else i really needed and i still dont need anything i am very tempted to tell my mom and grandma not to get me anything this year because i cant have any type o

-f electronic so i mean ????

i dont want those things back anyways, ill only fall back into the disgusting shit i was doing before. i geniunely dont want anything for chirstmas or for my birthday coming up. i dont want to do anything either, well maybe a small dinner. but thats if i dont ****ing kill myself if not tonight tomorrow i know tomorrow is my little sisters birthday and they plan on doing a ****ing dinner but i cant ****ing take it call me selfihs but this little sister has done nothing but change up on me. she went from calling me her favorite sibling to calling me slurs and ugly and all this other shit whenever she is given the chance not only that but she has told me she wanted to kill me and wanted to kill myself, so has my other sister yet they ****ing deny it and shit no wonder my mom doesnt ****ing trust me with shit this is exactly why i tell her the truth and my sister back at it and tell her its wrong, now she doesnt care if i tell her the truth she still will not believe me. oh yeah remember the time when

i locked myself up in my grandma's room, because she is the only person in this ****ing household who makes me feel safe, and my mom came in banging on the door, "____, im gonna ****ing kill you if you dont open thsi god damn door" yeah mother kill me, since you want to so badly. i heard my oldest sister trying to tell her to calm down but yk it didnt help, she kept saying she wanted to kill me she shouldve ****ing killed me. not so long ago like maybe 2 weeks ago, she was yelling at me and i kept backing up becase i was scared she was gonna do something. she suddenly grabbed me and i literally ****ing screamed but she kept yelling in my face and pulling me towards her when i just wanted to back away from her. i was shaking so much that i night i never ****ing cried so much in my ****ing life.

pls dont chain