i feel like im going insane oh my god why am i like this

how did i live through my last suicide attempt like what ****ing happened that was so painful and for what which one of you lied and said overdosing was painless anywyas that was the most experience in my whole life i kept gagging and had a ****ing seizure and for what to still have to deal with this shit like god damn that just made me feel ten times worse mentally like god damn i cant even kms right and then the mroning after i found out my friend died of the same god damn thing like why is life so ****ing hard like factually i feel like im going to lose my mind like first of all i feel like im watching some awful movie unfold and its not real im just a whole different person witnessing this shit

like i know its not it just feels like it is