so as some of you may know, I’ve been on this site since 2016. I was active for a month before forgetting this site. Last year (ish) I rejoined under a new account and somehow made friends with the same person to begin. I made many friends on this new account by August 2021, but I felt I hadn’t grown because of the daunting cringey art I had mainly on that account. However, I didn’t want to lose the many friends I had (many of which were in the wings of fire fandom and still are today) so I said several times about moving accounts. That’s not the point, though. (Gimme a sec)

(Continued) I have found it strange that every person who claims to be my friend (for the most part) eventually becomes ****ing famous and ghost me. While I get that some people get too busy, some of these people have g so far as to blocking my account for no specific reason except that we interacted positively. While at first I thought this was an honest mistake by one, two, three users, it started to hit me that these people were cutting off someone who wasn’t at their social level only because they had gotten massive exposure and attention and I hadn’t at such a level they did. After this being the case with over 30 people, I quit this site for a while, as I assumed I was the problem. I had assumed this since I was being told I was the issue in several negative relationships irl, one of which was with my real mother.

I really do want to talk to these people at least one more time. To be honest, I’ve blocked very few people and I have blocked people with purpose (ex:FlipAnimCensorBot and their new acc). I understand this will never be possible due to the fact that they’ve moved on already and it’s been a year, or they may have ended themselves (sadly this has happened with several online friends of mine and a few IRLs) and some have just quit the site. All in all, I just miss when I could post something last year and so many people would comment. Yes, I do enjoy attention and yes, I don’t get enough at home and yes, my life is screwed up, but I’m not all that bad. I’d love to meet new people. I just have trust issues.

I also do have a hard time starting and maintaining conversation online. I could easily maintain one IRL, but normally when I try and start one online someone starts calling me out for existing. It’s quite annoying, but I can’t stop what people choose to do with their lives. I guess being a ****ing ***** to people is what they choose to do.