he said. himself. "I refuse to let this happen. We're not breaking up." ***** its not your decision. yeha, we have to come to our own agreements and terms but directly saying "No" shouldve led to more than me just caving. i shouldve been mad. i shouldve yelled. but istead i ****ing said "oh okay. can we come up with a solution or a way to work around this then?" i shouldve stood my ground. i shouldve ****ing gotten pissed i HATE THIS SHITITT

and that was kind of rubbed in my face last night when we were hanging out and the conversation steered toward how we'd never get alone time once we 'lived together' which. for one, i didnt ****ing agree to???? i NEVER agreed to living with him, or marrying him, or anything like that. i dont see this relationship going past us dating. the reason why this ticked me off was because he started going on a rant about how he wants a kid. and not adopted, not fostered, a kid of his own. fine right? until i kept telling him "im not getting pregnant" "I refuse to grow essentially a parasite inside of me" and he started getting upset. there was a point in the conversation where he started repeating "listen to me," etc etc and that just pissed me off more he had the nerve to start raving about how if the kid wasnt his he'd feel. sorry for it???? and how he'd always wanted a kid of his own "flesh and blood" and when i said just give it to a sperm donar/someone to give birth to the baby FOR us---

--- he kept saying "no no! i want it to be from US! i want it to be personal!" despite the countless times i said no. nearing the end of the conversation, he started pushing me to make reasons as to why i dont want to be pregnant?? which??? why the **** do you think i owe you ANY reason to not want to do something with MY body?? the ****??? i am disgusted by sex, pregnancy, and everything revolving that. he knows that. yet he still BEGGED for me to say yes to having a child worst part is?? WE'RE 14. HES THINKING ABOUT THIS. AND WERE /FOURTEEN./ he also said a normal age to have a baby is in the early twenties, which. NO. ITS NOT. **** OFF.

i need to stop being nice to him and be brutal if he'll actually listen. thats the only way the convo above stopped, actually. it was cause i nearly yelled at him that i wasnt going to have a baby, and if he wasnt happy with that he can go date someone else. i neeeed to get away from this guy good lord.