TW//SUCIDE, SELF HARM, STRAVING URSELF/EATING DISORDER/BINGE EATING DISORDER, ADHD, SWEARING, BULLYING, MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, SEXUAL HARASSMENT I tried my best putting everything i will say so please do not come at me because i don not know what i will panic about.

I get it, i get it, I’m not amazing like ur son or bf mommy, let me stop. Let me stop because mom I love you but ME AND QUINCY ARE UR ****ING KIDS AND You TREAT UR BF LIKE HE IS A ****IN GOD

I GET IT ALR, WE ARENT AMAZING WE HGAVE BAD HABITS WE CANT GET OVER BUT WE ARE TRYING WE ARE REALL TRYING AND ALL I ASK IS THAT You SEE THAT

IM NOT THAT BEST, MOM ITS NOT THAT EASY TO GET BACK ON TRACK WHEN YOU ARE DRIVING ON THE ROCKS ALR

I cant, my friends were fake and i really cared for them .

My head is killing me

Give me a chance someone. Let me fall into ur arms and you can kill me, rape me, i dont give a **** anymore my mind wants me to go. And I’m really on the edge

Like if i just fall would you try and catch me or laugh, most will laugh

I man i would to

Mean* but here to get where i am coming from. Imagine you are me. You are on the rooftop at about midnight holding onto the stairway door, from thoose dark thoughts that are trying to get through. Saying “kill urself” or “look at this useless piece of shit”. When you feel the weight off the door you assume they have left and you walk to the edge of the roof.

And for the love of god, ik you are a good person anyone but..please do not say “ i know where you are coming from” because that annoys me. I get it i get it I’m a piece of shot for saying that just please dont

Continuing my story.. You look down and see the entrance of the building. Its a garden on the roof. Its so beautiful “i wish i was beautiful” you think. You look down again. You hear bumping against the door from the opppiste side. You start to panic inside crying. You dont want thoose coming back. You hear ur mothers voice blaming you cause you are older. You want to scream go away but you are scared she will get even louder you fall to ur knees scared. But this is all on the inside.

Remember, no one cares. Cause no one knows right? On the outside you have a straight face.

Ur mom is annoyed cause usually you cry when you get yelled at or in trouble, but you are not. She’s mad cause you should have some sympathy, but she never those for you..

You walk towards the edge again. Louder and louder both scream. Then ur dad comes in..

He says “I’ve been so busy” and I’ve been locked down. But ur granddad called you when ur dad was on the phone by accident and they weren’t locked down so you start to wonder. Does he really try or when no one else answers he calls?

You had a whole plan for you guys and he didnt seem to care he is always talking to his friends when you are on the phone unless he is talking about “When are you gonna get that money for me?”

You cant even trust ur own family

Ur mom tells everyone ur personally business Ur dad doesnt seem to care Ur brother and sister need to change. Ur gma, well she’s confusing and confused. Ur granddad is ****ING INNOCENT EVEN IF HE OBVIOUSLY SEXUALLY HARASSED YOU The rest well..homophobic

I want to be pretty...but i cant...

I feel like a ****ing disappointment all the time

And i want to kill myself in all the ways i can but i cant cause I’m a moron

I dont want to be use

But, people say i give to much love then i get. But i think the 1% of love i get is enough right..?

I’m almost done dont worry..

Maybe I should’ve just kept cutting all my life. Maybe I would be dead by now

Maybe if I would’ve lit myself on fire I would‘Ve been dead now, maybe those bullies were right, I’m just a stupid skinny black *****.

Maybe, I’m a just dead. Am I a side character? Probably..

Well I don’t really have physical abuse other then the abuse I do to myself.

Maybe I should hang myself rn...

Yes..that sounds good, I’ll wait for my gma to get in the shower cause I can’t..

Anyway.. I have finished...thank you for reading...

Sorry...I don’t mean to..life just sucks and this is just the beginning that’s what my mom says

No, no it’s ok he’s fine

Mhm, I already feel guilt for resting ur guys time. I shall be going now.