i went through a lot of shit at the mental hospital, that I need to get off my chest but I cant because i wont let myself do that. I just hate talking to people about my problems it makes me feel like I am just ruining people's moods and I dont want to make people upset i dont care if people say they are okay with me venting about what i went through, i still am spreading negativity on some tough things that happened

I feel like that conversation i had with you kinda showed that I am dealing with stuff and dont know how to cope it sucks so bad i just want to feel like I can talk to you about it and it is my fault that i feel like i cant talk to you. i trust you completely to listen to me if i have something going on, but i just dont feel like i should talk to you about it because it is my problems not yours

ive been sleeping so much recently and when i am not sleeping i am playing genshin and not talking to anyone because i feel like i cant trust myself to not make others feel bad with my additude

im not finished talking i gotta do something real quick

you dont know how better my day gets when i talk to you about random shit

ive also started getting body issues I just look at myself and think i am so ****ing ugly even when people say im not i just want to see myself as pretty too

she started telling me all the things wrong with me my arms look anorexic my hair is a gross color my eyes make me look dead my thighs make me look fat my stomach is getting bigger my waist is also getting bigger I look weird without glasses my chest is small she says so much i want her to move away already those are just some examples

some of them dont even make sense but still hurt when she says it

and all i want is to talk to my boyfriend about the bullying and what the staff did to me at the mental hospital but I want him to be happy and I want to be the happy in his life i dont want him to have to worry about if i am doing okay but he is also the only one i trust with a lot of this stuff but i wont say anything that happens because i dont want to make him feel bad for me

i dont want him to think i dont love him or that I am ignoring him because he did something wrong

becasue i do i ****ing love him probably way too much and he is all i can think about every day i want to talk to him but i feel disgusted with myself