Mal: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Mal, playing a VR game: You see, that’s the thing. It PROBABLY is fine. It’s PROBABLY 100% okay. There are PROBABLY no spiders in this headset. Mal: BUT- as you may be able to relate to- If you find a spider in your headset, and then have to put that headset on to play video games... Mal: YoU jUsT dOnT gEt ToO cOMfOrTaBlE.

Mal: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

Mal: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

Mal: You think I really give a ****? I can’t even read.

Mal: *****es b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m *****es

Mal: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Mal: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Mal: You wanna see how hardcore I am? Mal: *punches wall* Mal: Mal: Take me to the hospital.

Mal: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm ****ing pissed.

Mal: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Mal: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Mal: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Mal: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Mal: Goodnight moon. Mal: Goodnight tree. Mal: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

Mal: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Mal: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my ****s! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

Mal: If I'm really as evil as you say I am, then have the gods strike me down where I stand. *Lightning strikes Mal* Mal: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Mal: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.

Mal: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

Mal: You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

Mal: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Mal: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

Mal: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than ****

Mal: I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship! ... And this knife I found.

Mal: Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I ****ed up bad.

Mal, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

Mal, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo.

Mal: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering. Mal: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

Mal: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a ****ING THREAT.

Mal: Fool me once, I’m gonna kill you

Mal: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

Mal: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

Mal: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person. Mal: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

Shapeshifter: *transforms to look like Mal* Mal: Okay, are you like BLIND? You look nothing like me. First off, I'm way taller. Secondly, I DO NOT look so sleep deprived and lastly, if you could drag comb through that hair you're like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a constant 10.