so lmt ig

i just idk at this point. I feel like im never really happy. Not at home at least, I always have to worry about my parents, when they'll come into my room, when they'll look through my computer, when i forget to delete FA off it. They don't care about my intrests, my dad wants me to come fishing with him but thats gonna be useless, I just wanna draw. I just wanna animate, im not gonna be a fisher when im older so why do i have to do that instead of improvong at what i want to do as a job? I'm at my grandmas house and im not gonna sleep tonight. Even when im sad i put that aside to try and help others. its catching up to me now. I cant outrun it. Nothings gonna make it better, nothings gonna fix my trust issues.

once i said i was mad at him. It didnt go very well

No bc I can’t really

There’s nowhere to hide

A lot but I’m too scared to go downstairs

Yea you did thanks but now I’m waiting on another person

If you’re here plz read the comments above

What

Also I have really bad trust issues cuz some stuff when I was depressed one time

I- is that all...

I just like... nah it’s ok.

I’m just gonna go cry now

Bye, you have other ppl to talk to

You really don’t wanna talk to me huh...

Still not there...

I’m just wasting your time

Annie... nvm

Ok

... really?

Oh... you’re gone again

Ok plz tell me b4 you gtg next time it puts me under the impression you just wanna talk to other ppl more

So if you can try to help please...

Ik you don’t wanna talk to me tho. Everyone’s better

Ok but still

You prefer anyone over me...

Yes Ok

Thx for letting me know

Just be honest. You like talking to other people more than me

What

So you do?

Oh I just assumed in all situations, cuz everyone’s better than me in every way and even tho I just wanna be a good friend I can’t

Yea you agree ik it’s ok

Are you even trying to help?

I feel like you really don’t appreciate what I done for you...

But you agree with my 21:15 post

Cuz I try to help you but... you always seem to just wanna talk to anybody else at all

Bc I’m unloved uncared about a shit friend anxious about everything a pussy needy a ***** weird and started getting old tk you last month

Be honest, is it cuz of what happened on **** my life.?

To I mean I’m on my phone plz stop trying to change the subject just answer please Annie

All the questions I asked please

Ok

Here’s the time of the comments 21:30 21:32

Ow time to cry

Wdym

I never talked less to you you did... you said it yourself that I didn’t bed you anymore

And wdym when you said I got worse like in what way?

What’s fawning

I never stopped talking to you you stopped commenting on my stuff. I always worried about you...

I wasn’t like that tho... I’m not... why did you think I was like that?

Yea I got more depressed cuz my life just keeps getting worse

I did yea but then I got a gf

I didn’t you did hold on

This was at the height of our relationship and I still talked to you

I never stopped talking to you Annie

You stopped talking to me

Yea I stopped having a crush on you, but you have a bf so...

Ech im not great but you don’t have to talk to me rn cuz you have better friends

The comments were relavant at the time but now there’re not

That’s ok just please try

Be honest Am I your least favorite friend?

Cuz you don’t like talking to me as much and I feel like I only exist for emotional support

Don’t forget nobody loves me in any way

Really

So you’re basically agreeing

So why didn’t you say anything

Please just answer the questions

You never make me feel good anymore. You always swap me out for anybody at all

There was a time I stayed alive just bc of you

Please Annie I’m being made feel bad by all of this I feel disposable

Annie it’s not like I choose

I wanna be happy but I feel like I just get swapped out

I feel like you really just don’t wanna talk to me anymore...

Then please stop making me feel disposable

Ok sorry, I just felt like you stopped commenting on my stuff...

No its ok Annie, please dont be sad i feel horrible already i dont deserve you to be nice to me

You should talk to people you like talking to, don't waste your time with me.

Ok, thanks. I'm just under the impression that you don't anymore. Bc it's just like you dont comment on my stuff and stuff. I'm sorry.

Yea, but plz don't ignore me... Oki, thanks

I still wanna vent to you sorta

So my friend cut her hand off. Then she cut her arm and face. Now she's in hospital I think.

And now I really miss stellar and jelly

And Idk whats gonna happen to ramentea

She said she was gonna try to kill herself.

Here's something she said lemmme find it

I know I'm a horrible person, if you don't think so, your probably my friend so your just saying that. Anyway, I know I'm a horrible person, or at least I think so. And I know my art is trash so, there you go. And just because of those things, I came up with this list of Before-You-Follow things you should know. [dang for some reason this rhymes..] First, I'd happily let you abuse me, I don't really care, but of coarse, you can't really touch me through a screen, so lets just go with I'll happily let you cyber bully me. I'd give you ANYTHING if we are friends. And go ahead and insult me. I'll probably agree with it all. I have a question for you, and a little story behind it. Should I commit suicide? I try about every year, but the Child Services or something like that, are just too good, because they catch me every time. I never really cared about myself. And I feel like doing it even more every year. Should I? I feel like it was meant to happen... please don't be sad if I hurt myself...

She said that.

and this.

mine is too and my hands are shaking and it sounds like my scissors are calling me and i feel scared and alone and sad and depressed, and i gtg eat bye ilynh

ok, thanks for letting me help. Please tell me whats wrong

Ok. Don't worry about your girl friend she'll come back The cat thing really sucks, I'm really sorry about that and all the personal things. Can I help you in any way?

ok. Sorry, please don't hurt yourself ok?

Please.

Sorry if im not good enough to help im very tired emotionally and physically, i got no sleep cuz i cried so much last night.

No I can't. I only want to help people ok, I'll rest when you're ok.

I can’t are you ok?

Ok thanks its ok.

so lmt

I never really feel ok. If I am I'm always worried about everything thats gonna happen, when my dad'll come home, what he'll say what he'll do i getvery worried about it. I'm a pussy. I can't even get help. I went to a sort of therapist but my grandma took me to it and... It was shit. She basically said, "yea ypure a sadboi here have these tablets." theres no tablets anymore... they helped but theres no more. I dont wanna go back bc it didnt help, it made me feel overwhelmed and she was pressuring me when i was nearly cying. I only managed to tell someone yesterday. And it slipped out and then I had to continue telling him, I showed him my cuts and... It was scary. Then later he cried, I told my friend I was depressed and it only kind of helped. I asked him not to tell anybody and he said that was ok. So I'm pretty sure he's gonna keep it a secret. I hope he will. Now I feel disposable. I feel like that bc of the second chain.

We just used to be rlly good friends now we hardly ever talk... Even on the vent she barely talked to me, she just hates talking to me. I know she does and she only keeps me around for emotional support. Yesterday one of my friends cut her whole hand off. And then cut her arm then her face. I think shes in the hospital. I hope she is. I just feel like there's nothing that can make it better. Like I told my friend yesterday, drawing and animating is the only thing thats stopping me from ****ing killing myself.

And my number one priority rn is not letting people see my left arm. Except that one friend.

He shouted at me once bc i told him i was hungry when i told him to stop saying the stuff he says to me he checked my phone and he shouted at me when he found a picture of my grandma that she was fine with me taking... he checks my computer. He's gonna find this. I'm gonna get in trouble. He wot try to help. When I tell him im sad he just thinks im a pussy. That's why i try to stay at my grandmas house. I wanna live here, with my grandma, I feel ok here.

But I'm always so anxious he makes fun of me for staying in my room. I only wanna make people happy. But I wanna be happy too.

Thanks. I won't. Me too. She said some worrying things to me. Like how her parents died. She said why do anything in life if you dont achieve your goal, even if your goals dying? Apparently every year she feels like she should kill herself more. I'm worried about her, i love her as a friend and I really dont want anything to happen to her, and I kind of feel a bit responsable... She said none of it is... I hate myself. I just want her to be safe. She said she will. I just told her to call an ambulance. Her grandpa did. She went afk after that.

Please ypu dont have to delete ypur comments.

I just... Now I feel like Annie doesent wanna talk to me.

ok.

Also please cpy it so ypu can recomment it quickly if it gets deleted.

Yea, and my mom doesent seem to care much more srry gtg brb

now i feel like going back to that place thingy just to gr=et those budget anti depressents. they barely work but still...

gtg fr now my brreakfasts ready itll be 5 minutes

I know you do, thanks, I care about you too

im back. rn im actualy thinking of asking my parents to disown me