Damn, I just realized what I had to deal with as a child. Like I always knew I struggled but I never really fully processed it. It just clicked. What had happened. I live with a ****ing monster. I love him though. Why do I still love him. I realize Im ranting and no one will see it, Im not here to push my problems on other people either. I just want to say this. To get it out yknow. It just hurts. Hes the reason behind my trauma, why I dont trust hugs, and people yelling at me. And I still love him :/ It sounds so stupid written out, like a 2016 emo kid or some shit, but Ive been screaming in my head for so long. I cant tell anyone this, not yet atleast. So Im telling a dying online community lol. I guess thats all. I cant believe its going to end like this haha. Bye bye - Kota <3