yeah, i'm not gunna give this overall large ass paragraph. because honestly who gives a shit. i have come to realize that i am a people pleaser. i only wish to keep other happy, despite how i feel. and that is why my close friends on here don't see me vent, at all. i don't want to give them the burden of despite my smile and cheerful kind attitude, lies a broken human just trying to make others happy. when i'm sad i just shove it down in a jar and move on throughout the day. and when an adult told me that wasn't normal i looked straight into their eyes and said "but society doesn't want a crying woman." so yeah, either way you guys being happy will make me move on another day. i should probably go take my anxiety medication.