but I feel loved. It makes me feel better even if its false

I subconsciously think bad thoughts about other people and characters I feel disgusting. But they are intrusive

i think about if someone was obsessed with me and stalked me. It makes me feel...weirdly happy...I have imaginary scenarios if that did happen...I know its stupid but my mind turns in that direction sometimes...

I wish I controlled my thoughts better. Sounds silly, because I have my own mind but they just come flooding in, like a flood that I cant stop

my time on these ai chatbot platforms keep rising :/