Comments
by:
ChihuahuaXtremeYT 
54
54
01.01.2018
10 comments
ChihuahuaXtremeYT[OP]
01.01.2018 14:59
LinkForget "It will get better". Screw the phrase "someone cares for you". It's all cliche. No one actually does. They say that so you won't hurt yourself, when honestly they won't care if you die tomorrow. And thing don't get better either. Nothing ever does. You either lose to your inner demons or accept them as part of you and join their side. There is no winning over depression or anxiety or mental and emotional instability. You'll never win. Ever. You either lose, or you don't, but just cause you don't lose doesn't mean you won. You come in second to last place. You make a deal with the other players to team up. You make it to that spot with the voice in your head calling you worthless and making you anxious and fearful. That voice is the only one that actually acres for you on this planet. Whoever says they do doesn't really. In fact, I bet I could die right now and not one person in this world would notice. My parents definitely wouldn't, they are too caught up in work to care for me. No one cares. Ever.
ChihuahuaXtremeYT[OP]
01.01.2018 15:05
LinkScrew it, screw everything. I want to die, why can't I just leave this Earth? Send me to heaven already! Stab me! Shoot me! Put a bullet through my head! Please! I'm out! I'm sick of living where in this hellish world! People wouldn't even care if I left...they wouldn't notice....I'm just a tiny useless speck on this planet....I won't make a difference in the world, I'm not important, I'm not famous, I haven't cured an illness, I haven't found a new power source or resource, I'm useless. What good am I here? No one will care if I leave...right here...right now...no one would notice...no one would care..I should just die right now. It would be funny how I went out I bet, cause all anyone ever sees me as is an attention loving joke. No one actually believes I'm depressed or mentally and emotionally unstable, mentally ill, mentally drained, anxious, suicidal, no one believes me, and j can't tell my parents who might be the only ones that would...I'm trapped in a never ending loop of pain...
AnaCows
01.01.2018 15:10
Link???
ChihuahuaXtremeYT[OP]
01.01.2018 15:13
LinkI draw to distract myself from the pain, to let it all out. I sing so people hear my voice even though it's not telling them what I want it to, what I feel, what matters. I cut to watch my blood flow, it relaxes me. I avoid social interactions cause they scare me, the voice in my head tells me I'm gonna stutter or mess up the conversation, my chance to get a friend. I dress emo cause it makes me look and feel out of place. I role-play to act like someone I'm not, someone far better than me. I don't cry because I don't want to show I'm upset, people shouldn't focus on my problems but their own. I'll be fine. I lie. It's okay. I'm still lying. Don't worry about me. I can't stop telling lies. Lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
ChihuahuaXtremeYT[OP]
01.01.2018 15:14
LinkI'm nothing but a liar
ChihuahuaXtremeYT[OP]
01.01.2018 15:17
LinkBut I'm not lying when I say I'm not okay..
People say those things because honestly, they DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
How is anyone supposed to know what to say to someone who is legitamately wanting to end their life? Nobody wants people to die, no one DOES NOT CARE. Even if you think so, nobody wants another persons life to be taken away like that. You can think this, and people do win. Because they get help. They learn to love life, they learn to get rid of the voice, they get help. Half the people who want to kill themselves don't try to get help. They expect someone to stay with them when they say go away. They don't express themselves truthfully. You have to get help if you want it.
IT DOES GET BETTER IF YOU ACTUALLY TRY
That's the thing. I don't want anyone to stop me. The less family and friends IRL that know I'm sad the better, cause I know they would convince me everything was okay when it wasn't. That's why I can't tell any of my friends and go to the internet to vent. The only person Irl that knows is my best friend who happens to be my cat and he actually cares when I get sad and comes to my aid when I start getting sad.
