If you don't really know me, you probably wont really care, so you have full rights to ignore this anim. as for the rest of you... get ready for some bloody confessions that hurt that I need to get off my plate.

So, Ive slowly been figuring myself out, and it turns out, Im demisexual/demiromantic. If you don't know what that means, that i feel attraction to someone only after forming a deep emotional bond with them. Which makes life quite hard at times. I get close to someone, and then... well, sometimes, I fall in love, but it takes a while. Being one of the demis is actually really close to asexual, which is not having attraction to anyone. Im also bi, which I figured out a long time ago. Now, some of you may remember that at one point, I had a gf on fa. well, I broke up with her when I left my last account. I realized, I never really did FEEL anything for her, I just liked the idea of being in a relationship with somebody. I feel horrible about it now. But, the whole reason why I agreed to that relationship was because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Boy did that backfire. I was stupid. I messed up. I couldn't tell what my true feelings were. Now, however, I have a bit of a better grasp but (not done)

... I still, I don't know, feel sort of cut out from my own emotions. they seem... muffled somehow. like I cant fully feel them. It stinks. I mean, my characters try to help me with it, mostly void, because he had been there, but... I don't know. I also have a lot of trust issues because of my step father. My mother is trying to force me into a relationship with him, but everytime I am a few feet away from him I have a panic attack, and I cant be in the same room as him. He just ignores me anyways... He scares me. He gained my trust once, then emotionally abused me so much, It has damaged my ability to build relationships with anyone. Im stuck. (done)