tw: su*c*de, s*lf h*rm, !!!this is a vent!!! i really miss my best friend, he deserves better. better than me, i dont feel as if i deserve this. all this support and,,, affection. though its hypocritical and i carve so much affection, i dont feel as if i deserve it. i honestly dont wanna do anything anymore, i just wanna lay in bed and sleep and never wake up. i just wanna die, and give up. but i wanna be alive for him, perhaps im just worried about him when i leave. my leg hurts. my head and stomach hurts. everything hurts and i just want everything to stop hurting. i know im being selfish. im just going to go to sleep and hopefully i never awake.