As im venting im just going deeper and deeper in the deep ocean of guilt and worry and chains and chains just taking me deeper i think im "trying" to make problems better when i feel that im just making it worse then just think of guilt that whole time

I "try" to make a change when i do but its just a change i dont want i think i need to do expectations that no one wants me to do but i feel like people expect me to do this and to do that when i dont want to then myself forces me to do them

I mess up a tiny thing thats it throw that one away then try everything over again when no sharp blade then hpw about a can to cut the red lines diy at that point i have to fight my self for me to stop when all i get is just more red lines which makes me smile out of no where more the lines longer the sleeves longer the sleeve more the suffer then suffer more then makes me happy when all i get is yelled at everywhere even when no ones talking just yelling and screaming at me then the more i just cry under my mask like a baby when ever i cry that mean more suffer i have to i need to suffer so i cant make anyone elses suffer beacuse of me cuz they just worry about me and "care?"about me maybe then when someone "cares?"about me then i feel like there suffering just because there just worrying about me and im happy when people dont know about my problems cuz then i dont feel Like there suffering cuz of me