I'm going to take a break for a few days and see if I feel better by then..

When I was young, my father died. Until several years ago, I didn't know how, but it turned out that he committed suicide. Ever since then, I have wondered why I even exist anymore.... I was suicidal to the point where I was placed in a mental hospital for a week. After I got out, I was pretty traumatized and hid every emotion I ever had. When I finally let all of my emotions out, I was then sent to a children's home for several months. It felt like military camp. I guess that those people don't understand what it's like to lose a parent to suicide. You feel like they didn't care about you enough that they made the choice to take their own life to get away from you...

I'm sorry I haven't been on lately...so let me start from the beginning.

If not, I can just post some hand positions on my page for you to reference.

Clover <3