Please don't focus on me venting, because I totally am. just tell me what you guys feel. Are you guys happy? Upset? Fine? Worried? Anxious? Healthy?

You know, everyday, I think of an escalator to help me imagine which side I'm on. Am I going up or down? Is my action positive or negative? Am I feeling great, or down? Do I want to stand up or lay down. Am I on the correct side?

Was just notified I got an F in a class. RIP. I'm so tired

And I noticed that I talk to you all in a positive way, but I'm going to be honest. It's because I still see you all as strangers and I don't want you to think I'm a bad person. But I'm admitting now, that I have done bad things, and I wish I could be open about it. I know I don't need to and it's private, but even here, I feel like I'm trying to seek validation by admitting my wrongdoings. But I don't want to be a dick anymore, not to you guys, not to my friends, and not to myself.

Someone made me realize that I've done unforgivable things and that moment, I felt guilt for every little thing I've done. I thought I was ok, but now I see that I'm kind of a dick. Especially with my closest friends. They tolerate my actions, but never enjoy it, and I realize that if I spoke to a stranger the way I do with friends, I'd never be seen as a logical person