I kind of don't leave the house ever and sit inside all day in a small apartment so I'm never really alone for long (my parents are only one room awayi think) unless my parents go out and leave me home alone ill be fine I also fixed my sleep schedule so I'll be awake when they're awake now I am feeling a bit better after my birthday cus I have lots of snacks . I had a really long talk with my friend after my attempt because I genuinely at heart don't want to kill myself at all and haven't for a very long time, the thought of leaving my friends behind alone genuinely hurts and I wouldn't want to do that to them I've put in effort to stop the cycle that leads me to a suicide attempt so the chances of me trying again are lower

This shit affecting my sleep too I kept waking up in the middle of the night struggling to fall back asleep . Guhggg

I'll be ok this is stressful and it makes me feel quite alone but I have my friends and I love my friends and I have time to figure this out I suppose I think I'm on a much better track than i was before, and while it's still extremely difficult I'm going up instead of down so that's something

My dads trying his best but there's only certain periods of time I can talk to him . My mom did something I guess (redirected me to a free therapy site that was absolute shit at first but im thinking of another way of using it that actually benefits me) They have been a bit useless before though I was supposed to get mental help in 2022

Anyways I usually do my research on my own but I've taken a more structured approach via talking with my friends, getting their thoughts on it/point of view and feedback, discussing it with them and moving forward from there and I've done that with about 4 of my friends I'd inquire more but I don't even trust a lot of people with this so I'm just doing what I can And once I feel like I've discussed it enough with my trusted friends I'll move forward and contact a therapist online to get their thoughts on it so I'm getting feedback from someone that works in a mental health field and from someone I don't actually know personally It's just stuff for me to do until I can get tested later this year