Regarding my post from last night. I do want to at least attempt to draw something again. So I'll try. I might post it I might not. The only important thing is that I just try to enjoy myself. Idk if I'll actually do that. But like I said I'm trying.

ew??? im so sorry?? tf is wrong with ppl

are you able to draw a fat elephant using its trunk to do push ups? B )

i would love to draw right now. express how im feeling in any way. but i just cant. no matter what i do i just cant seem to make something worth posting. worth seeing. or worth doing. everything has sucked any bit of joy i had for this hobby. and it makes me sad that i might not be able to do this for much longer. ive given up with almost everything. my relatiosnhips. my family. my health. id say hygene but that stopped months ago. i stopped caring if i was trans. i stopped caring about the bullies, the harrasment. im not sure whats next for me. all i know is the only thing ive felt the last 2 months, is fear. i really dont know what to do from here.

proud* that i was slimmer but i cant knowing im basicly dying. other than the phsyical health my mental health isnt any better. my home life got really stressful recently. i wont get too much into details about that part <33 im still very stingey abt my personal life rn. but i dropped A lot of ppl i thought were my friends which led things to get even worse. i relpased on alchol (which isnt gonna be good for my stomach or liver currently) and i did with sh as well. i needed stiches again but i begged my fiance to not take me becasue i couldnt survive another ward visit. so im having to basicly not move for a few days at least till it scabs over enough to not reopen. i know im saying all of this to an empty void. im fine with that. i just have no where else to talk about these struggles. and maybe, if i dont make it, weather i end it myself or my body does it for me, there will be a record of me somewhere. anywhere at all.