I feel like i'm victimising myself or that I dont deserve to feel this way because of things people have said to me recently. But I'll probably be dead soon so i dont really care

I only truly loved my ex but she cheated on me and I'm alone now. Through my own faults. Id rather be with her and hurting rather than be alone and suffering from her consequences of abusing me

I'm kind of at my lowest right now I have no friend group atm and nobody cares enough on a deep level to check up on me or spend time with me. I wish i had close connections but im so lonely all the time and when i get close enough to someone I ruin everything on purpose

She was a woman

Cus we kissed irl