alright so- almost a year ago, my sister had graduated from high school, and i was heading off to 7th grade. and the thing that was keeping me from falling into the deep, dark, and sad hole that im about to talk about was her. she was getting ready to go off to boot camp about a month after i joined middle school. and when she was gone, i started having break downs during classes and at home. and you know what this girl did? i started doing certain things that were, i would say- extreme? (im not done typing)

when i started having breakdowns, i would end up sitting outside of my class room. but when i was at home, to cope, i started eating junk food because it was sweet, and sweet things had always made me feel better. so when i was sad i would start eating things that my parents bought, even if it was like, cookie dough or brownie batter, i would eat it because it was sweet. after that things got a bit worse aah- let me keep typing lol-

after eating a lot, i surprisingly did not gain any weight, which was actually a relief, but from then i started looking at my stomach in the mirror, and seeing that slight bit of fat that would be on my stomach was bothering me. a lot. so i started doing sit ups from day to day, and i would only wear shorts and baggy shirts hoping that people would notice it, because in my eyes i thought it was very noticeable.

but, apparently it wasnt because i had gotten told that my friend, ben, liked me. and we started dating. but this only made my feeling about me and my body worse because for starters, he would always be humbly talking to girls. and when i was with him around my friends, they would all start acting all cute and trying to be kind and less like my friends, so it scared me because if i get something i love, a l o t , taken away from me, something bad happens, no matter what, and this shitty little curse led to one of the dumbest things i have ever done. which was...! cue the drums please!

vaping! ah yes. if you did not know, i hang out with the kids who like their rap music and enjoy destroying idiot kids who cant take jokes or being poked at. so the influence around me was "oh, i mean, i vape, it doesnt seem bad" or "yeah, i ****ed another 13 year old in the bathroom thats not that big lol" after being influenced, i not only started vaping, i started trying to get attached to boys in more of a "way", yeah im not explaining that lol. and so for about 90% of the school year i was a shitty girl who did stupid thing because i was going through losing my sister.

and then all of us were pulled out of school and started doing school online. this meant i could ignore my classes. and since i didnt have a phone, you know where i cutely hid while roleplaying the shit i did at school? f l i p a n i m . Yeah, thats right kids, you were my influence for a bit lol. and it was only till halfway through the quarantine schooling that i realized, i never really had friends, or someone who was good enough to not influence me to do these things. so i,,, guess what i did? lets get those drums in again-

i left fa, for literally a week, but it only took me a week to feel better. and then i got bored of hanging out with my shitty family, so i hid on drawesome, which is a better influence on me than fa will ever be. and i had enjoyed my time there, but started to worry about fa again, so i rejoined :3

but now im not trying to vape, trying to get sexual, or over eating due to the sadness. in fact, ive been planning out my entire school year this year and trying to study any possible thing that could be taught in my 8th year. and although my sisters still gone, ive finally recovered from that little thing. and so now im (hopefully) getting better, and staying that way

heehoo school year life story lol im stupid for thinking ppl are gonna read this but ok lol

i lost a lot of parts in this story. but if you can still understand the reasons behind stuff here, cool- if you cant, feel free to ask questions-

im 13 and in my 8th year. and that isnt a question.