I always feel suicidal online
by:
LonerFuntimeFoxy 
52
52
18.11.2017
45 comments
ShadowDaFox
18.11.2017 05:18
LinkI'm early but why
LonerFuntimeFoxy[OP]
18.11.2017 05:19
LinkYour not early.
Everywhere I go I get hated on, sweared at, denied, and talked against. I don't think I belong in online games... I feel hurt more than you think I do
ShadowDaFox
18.11.2017 05:20
LinkWell just think about what's positive
Illusion
18.11.2017 06:53
LinkYou really can't just think about whats positive. Negativity, if theirs enough of it, takes over your head and you just cant see anything positive. its like the colorful things in your life are blurry, and the grayness is clear as day.
I decided to say this
Everywhere I go I get hated on, sweared at, denied, and talked against. I don't think I belong in online games... I feel hurt more than you think I do, and i'm torn up and almost through with online games like flipanim and toonator. I just feel odd and out of place and uncomfortable, and i'm shy and nervous and very VERY easily upset, its hard for me to fit in and be happy where I play. I've never shared these suicidal thoughts, only in my mind. I just hope I have good, supportive, nice friends who don't brag, talk behind my bag, boss me around, lie to me (a friend irl lies to me), etc. Its really hard and I never find many friends, thats why I ended up online-- here. Now i'm just torn so much more and I don't know how to explain it. It just feels like you don't fit in, don't belong, and the darkness and sadness is quickly spreading through your body, and you can feel it. By this point, I can't stop this darkness. The more I try, the worse it gets. I don't understand anymore...
... I have gone through hard times, and probably my most saddest was my kitten died from and untreatable disease, but its not about that. You can't ever deny your feelings, and I've been telling the truth. I really feel this way, and I just feel like nobody understands the pain i'm going through. I am going to reach puberty in maybe a year, and i'm not ready for it, not with all this going on all my life. I feel like I don't belong on earth, I feel like im the one snake out of all the hummingbirds. I hae so many feelings always jumbled into one I don't know what to think, and I can't stand to tell someone my eact feelings, because I just won't be able to explain it.
...I don't think my parents even care about my art, not even paying much attention. Today my brother said I was an attention grabber, and I just wanted to curl up crying in my bed. I might be called that, but i'm not TRYING to get attention. Honestly I would be called an attention grabber normally, but it hasn't happened much. Lets say my past, starting from kindergarten. The only thing about kindergarten is that my classmate lied to me when they peed on the floor while playing with things, and said it was water. I was embarrased to walk out of school with a bag of pants that looks like I peed in them. My brother has been bullied in the bathroom before, but he didn't really care about it, and alot of things that happened to me I didn't care either, but I just feel hurt, and its been so long and i'm still feeling hurt about these things that have happened years ago and nobody cares about it and probably forgot and I am still sitting here typing this, complaining how everyone, including me, isn't perfect....
In total I think I just hate myself, and I am being torn like trees lit on fire in a forest. I am being torn down.. I just want to thank TPS (Thepapersandwhich) for knocking sense into me and P1llAr for making me try to smile (I was too busy trying not to cry). I really aprriciate everyone whos trying to make me feel better, and I wish you live a full life with a beautiful/handsome wife/husband and are rich but not more rich than 20k and a stable job and good children... okay i'm getting ahead of myself. I just want to say sorry for spreading the word and making you upset or mad, I really try to be nice, but as I said, im VERY very sensitive and I would cry or yell at you if you even poked my neck or something... you get what I mean. I overreact and i'm sorry if I was ever rude to you, I never meant it. I'm getting overemotinal lately because of all these depressing things going on, and it messes my mind up and its like a puzzle game... like a rubix cube with 18x18 sides. I just... I think you get the point.
If you feel like I am rude, inferior, bossy, or a psycho, please don't assume it. I am described by my family as 'Creative,nice, and beautiful.' I don't know if this is true, my parent sent me a photo of me holding something and I noticed just then I DID look kind of beautiful, so I guess that is right. And i'm definitely creative, but nice? Do you guys think i'm nice? Please tell me.
Being called a jerk fac just adds that to my list of words i've been hurt with
Well, then my advice it to take a break. Maybe a week offline would do you some good. Try looking for the positives in life and look for the best in everyone, including yourself. Try to look in the mirror and think something positive about yourself every day, I guarantee life will get better someday. Good luck ?
If I was offline for a week, I would be worse.
Its bad enough to hear my parents yelling at eachother all day
Your parents are their own people. Them yelling at each other does not mean you are worth any less.
If the weather is nice outside, you could go outside so you wouldn't have to hear. Or, just hide your head in a pillow in your room or something until they're done yelling.
Going outside usually helps me, the breeze feels nice and relaxing.
Just be sure it's not too cold or anything.
You could try making up some happy songs, or just listening to some.
I think it would help.
The only songs that I know that are happy are Tobu's songs..
thanks for the advice p1llAr & TPS, I will listen to tobu when i'm sad. I also found this game on <Advertisement> that is made to help people relax and stop crying or something, i'll try that too, it helped before.
Ty... I tried to smile reading that but i'm trying to hard not to cry
Hon, don't self inflict or anything remotely similar to suicide, it takes you deeper into the black hole of depression. We all care about you, and i know what your going through. My parents... they.... they weren't ready for a child when they had me, my dad had forced my mom and thinking about my parents. I know that they did not want me. They mistreated me because they didn't know how to handle me. I was always told by strangers that im a good kid but my parents say the complete opposite. When my mom and dad split up, I was maybe 4 so i didn't think much of it. Now I have a stepdad and 2 siblings. My siblings matter more to my parents because their younger and cuter and shit like that. My friends at school were the popular kids, and they acted like my friends, only to hate me in 5th grade and i never knew why. I made new friends, the best friends I will EVER have in my lifetime. I moved away from them, my dad had gotten a new job. I was insanely depressed, even inflicted pain on myself a few times.
Every night i'd cry myself to sleep, I still do some nights. My stepdad and mom are... abusive... and my mom has tried to commit suicide, my dad threw me across the hall one day, about a week ago. Over me and my brother fighting over PokemonCards. I turned my feelings into a joke, and treated myself like dirt, because thats how much im worth. I KNOW that i wasn't supposed to be here, I KNOW that my parents dont care, I KNOW that every little thing we do is meaningless. And I just don't feel the need or motivation to try anymore. But i still try. I try on my drawings an animations to keep you guys entertained, I try to help my suicidal friends out becase i know i can't get help, I act silly, and funny, so i can make other people happy when i am not. Keep trying Funtime. Don't make it worse for yourself/
THHAANKKKK YYOOOU
Sorry im shsakking so hard right now its hard to tyype
Exuse me, but may i say, this dude was HORRABLE to my friend MangleTheFox! she made a animation and lost it, he laughed and said some rude stuff, and when she got her animations back, he said: DANG IT! :I
Ghostycat, please think in context. Mangle appears to be not too shaken over that. Meanwhile, Funtime is actually depressed, quitting and suicidal. What she needs now is support and help, not more hate because of something minimally rude she commented once.
everyone has some issues. but thats no exuse to treat someone like trash. i understand that. but seriously plz check this out. im not trying to be rude. i understand whats its like to have depression and be suicidal. but thats no exuse for how he or she treated this other animator.
She made a mistake and commented one (1) thing rude. You, meanwhile, have harassed her multiple times for next to no reason. She typed 2 words that were slightly passive aggressive, and you reply with multiple paragraphs about how you’re happy she's quitting and how horrible you think she is. Just please stop, you are NOT acting on justice.
You call me a jerkface, insult me, assume my gender, then you want me to have a nice day? -_-
We know what she did. We know what you did. Let’s just stop arguing because clearly we aren’t getting anywhere.
Fresh air and deep breaths help me when I'm triggered. If they don't work, then try to take a break or something. You don't have to take days off at a time, just take enough time to calm down.
If I'm not helping, sorry.