"Forget you"

Its amazing that that was the thing you said that would hurt me the most for some reason I mean im sensitive as hell aswell as an idiot so it is to no surprise that "forget you" hurt me deeply

Which a lot of times i deserved it

My mind likes to forget a lot of the bad things we did to each other

I remember how i had left you that one time in like may of last year

Because i was mad at you

And how you had been at the time- i was also manipulated a bit to make the decision but whatever

Uh- I also remember how I would always tend to leave you all alone when you were going through times- I would defend myself but it would seem insensitive to do so

So im not giving reasons why i did it

I also got really toxic and jealous of others- It is really my worst attribute but it happened a few times with people and i knoe it must have hurt you

I sorta lied about some things early on when meeting you- I was really confused i forgot a lot of that

But i also did recently show you messages where you were suicidal and i know now that i put you back in a dark place.. I shouldnt have done that it was done purely out of stupidity

Uhm- Damn im trying to think about more

My mind likes to forget the bad stuff so its fuzzy to me

I would overwhelm you with my problems a lot- most of it is the things you cant even help me with- like when i would get sexually harrassed and cat-called

I probably made you feel really uncomfortable

I was extremely possessive. I know a lot of things happened because of my possessiveness and also because i happen to be really sensitive

And dont understand a lot

I made you feel uncomfortable a lot too, i am a very wild, party girl like person with my irl friends so when we get on calls and i act like that it makes you feel uncomfy ig

Idk

Thats what i assume- another thing i assume things too much and you hate it about me

I dont want bad blood between us- We dont have to be friends again but i just cant stand having you hate me and know me by only my worst attributes it is just mind breaking that you used to be my best friend and noe you think so badly of me for what ive done- I remember also saying i will change but never did and im so sorry i dont expect you to forgive me but i at least want you to move on from it and onto other things please

That is me trying to name the bad things ive done to you- I probably forgot about a lot and if i did you can call me out but i just need to like- idk

Im so confused

Why am i forgetting so much bad things is my mind doing this on purpose? I am so confused