oh yeah. if death and violence make you uncomfortable, you might not want to read this.

i have this weird obsession. with death. i always kind of have. i've had violent thoughts and drawings since i was a child. i'm a nice person. okay? i'm empathetic. i care about people. i don't like to see them suffer.

but there's just something about the idea of death that gets me. i get too enthusiastic when reading it. i enjoy drawing it a bit to much. i am obsessed with the idea of myself dying.

it makes me wild. i spend hours at a time fixating on it. playing out various scenarios of my suicide. drawing projections of myself getting ripped apart. and for no reason. like a time-killer. like a hobby.

i love it. and it sickens me. i love it so much. the thought of my death sends my heart fluttering like a crush. there's something horribly wrong with me. i have no grasp on reality anymore. i'm disassociating from reality and spending all my time putting myself in worlds where i kill myself over and over. but i don't hate myself. i don't have any reason that i WANT to die.

i just want to spend the rest of my life drawing myself dying repeatedly </3