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realized i dont like boundries
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25.12.2022
8 comments
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 08:52
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mostly just when they make me feel guilty
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 08:53
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i think its because of self-esteem issues?? i'm such a people-pleaser that i can't stand making other people feel uncomfortable or bad and then i start to beat myself up
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 08:54
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i think that's why i don't like discord servers i always say ONE thing that is ever so slightly weird and someone calls me out on it and i freak out
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 08:56
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i think the hypersensitivity to callouts part also comes from underplayed guilt trauma
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 08:59
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i came to the conclusion that i probably don't like setting boundaries myself because i've been so starved of affection that i'm desperate to have any sort of connection and i feel like setting boundaries will get in the way or make me seem less friendly
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 09:01
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i had a mostly absent dad and a strict mom as a kid so i didn't feel too open to expressing myself and i'd constantly distance myself a lot to do what makes me happy
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 09:06
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as for my friends? none of them really stuck around much as a child. when i started getting 'better' relationships in middle-high school, though, things get more complex. my ex-gf/friend manipulated and gaslit me, playing with my affections even after we broke up and stayed friends. one of my other friends, who i am (still close to) traumadumps me and gets upset and sets boundaries whenever i get remotely sad. i think since then, i've withheld my emotions a lot more and feel even worse whenever i make someone set a boundary for unintentionally venting. regardless of intention, my brain always auto-interprets it as a hostile act that means the other person hates me.
pencii[OP]
25.12.2022 09:08
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in short? i'm a lonely, eager-to-please guy with extreme problems respecting boundaries and myself.
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