Okay. So. 1: Since quarantine started, I've just lost so much motivation. I started hating the sports that I usually love because it means that I'll have to get out of bed. I almost failed last year and also last quarter of school because I'm so unmotivated to do the work. Before, I was an honor student. My grades were always in the 90's. Now, I don't really care. The only reason I get it done is because my mom yells at me if I don't and also because I don't want to be held back a grade. 2: My OCD is taking over my life. I recently got a therapist for it, but it's just annoying how much it affects my everyday life. 3: I want to have a positive body image, but I just can't and don't. I tried to exercise and eat healthy so I can lose some weight, but I give up after a day or two. I wear outfits that usually make me uncomfortable to school in order to overcome my negative body image, but I still feel super insecure sometimes. 4: I feel like I'm annoying my friends a lot. I constantly have to ask them wha

t we are doing in school, and I'm constantly talking about boys and stuff and I feel like they're sick of me. I'm in multiple friend groups, and the one that I've been hanging out with the most has kinda singled me out. It's a group of three. Me and two other girls. The other two girls have been hanging out together way more than they've been hanging out with me. They don't tell me any of this stuff either. The only reason I know is because our English teacher makes us tell the class what we did over the weekend, and they almost always say they hung out together.

I also feel like I'm letting down my friends when they ask me to hangout. My parents are really strict and I have a busy schedule because of sports, but sometimes I just feel really sad and unmotivated to get out of bed I just tell them I'm busy. I hate doing that but I'd hate it even more if I had to go through the process of getting dressed and stuff.

5: I'm hung up on my toxic crush. He's mean to my friends, he deadnames them, he uses me, when we talk (which is rare) he tells me to not let anyone know we talked, he objectifies women, he's the type of person who would leak a girl's nudes. The part that I hate is that I know how awful he is, and I have the audacity to still like him. I already talk too much about myself when I'm with my friends, and a lot of it is about boys and stuff and I know they don't want to hear it. But I need to talk about it with someone. I don't know who though. Whenever I do talk about him with them all they do is remind me how terrible he is. I don't blame them for doing that because quite honestly, I wouldn't know what to say either. It still hurts how much he controls me, though.

Thanks <3 I appreciate it <33

I have to see him everyday for school. I've done the best I can. I deleted his number, deleted his pictures from my phone, taken down and thrown away everything that reminds me of him, in quarantine I made it my goal to get over him. I've pushed my feelings for him deep down so I don't fall anymore in love with him. The problem is, there's still a part of me that thinks, "He might like you, though." He doesn't. And I know this. But I can't convince my brain otherwise. He texted one of my friends a while back saying how he hated me because I hung out with "The gay kids" and then denied it when I confronted him about it and literally showed him the messages.

yeah It sucks sometimes but I have my friends. I wish that was enough though.

I don't know. I love them but sometimes I feel like I care more about having a significant other than I do about my friends. Which even I know seems stupid. I want to, if given the choice, choose to hang out with them instead of a bunch of guys, but I know that's not what I'd pick, unfortunately.