LISTEN

OKAY WHOEVER THINKS IM JUST SAYING I HAVE ADHD BECAUSE I WANNA BE DIFFERENT OR SOMETHING I HAVE HAD EVERY. SYMPTOM FOR YEARS YEARS BEFORE I EVEN KNEW WHAT IT WAS

AND I BELIEVE IT INFRINGES ON MY LIFE IF I COULD I WOULDVE ALREADY GOTTEN A HUNDRED DIAGNOSIS ALL THE TREATMENTS FOR IT I DONT SAY THIS AS IF ADHD IS SUPER FUN AND SILLY BILLY BEAN THING TO HAVE

And it’s not like oh I have a special interest omg I got the ‘tism I know everything about my special subject I’m super smart I’m super funny bc of my adhd Like no I wish I was so passionate in something I could speak for hours I’m practically the opposite

I have, and I’m not joking, at LEAST 25 completely different subjects going on in my mind at ALL TIMES it’s difficult to focus to be motivated and I think so wildly so Willy nilly I started thinking there were different people in my head with different voices and opinions (not in the DID way more as in a loose identity way)

I think people just throw around autisim and adhd so much at this point it’s just a certain list of traits or actions instead of the very real brain differences these people go through their whole lives

If I say oh I think I have autisim I THINK I GOT AUTISIM NOT IM SILLY AND HAVE SOME TRAITS

I fully believe I have adhd, and if not oh well But so many things I do have been correlated to adhd (or autisim) like obsessive compulsive thoughts, tics, rejection anxiety, social anxiety, issues with social cues or situations, sensitivity not in topics but sensory, restlessness all of that stuff Even anger issues and sensory seeking

Like I don’t cuss instead I use kind of goofy ways of saying things (this actually goes deeper than you’d think) I slur my words together because my mind is too fast for my tongue i procrastinate when I hate it I have to constantly move I daydream Like you really think I’d just make all this up to buy expensive medicine and get an expensive diagnosis

You think I WANT TO MAKE RANDOM UNCONTROLLABLE BIRD NOISES BRUH THATS EMBARRASSING BUT I DUNNO I CANT HELP IT

CRUD NOW IGS 5 54

I’m not miserable these traits don’t ruin my day I actually can do school work pretty well and I’m happy that sensory issues don’t result in meltdowns for me but it’s more like I’m trapped in my mind

Because let’s be real hewe one day I’m gonna get those 20 bucks from our bet

Yes my ocs ALL THE TIME

I CANT JUST BE ON SOMETHING FOR TOO LONG MOST OF THE TIME Unless it’s Yakuza but even that was fleeting

YOU AND ADOPT ME YOU AND YOUR PETS

WE ALL HAVE VICES

Yeah I knew it

I was like havent you only watched like 3 animes why do you suddenly like evang now

Being introverted sucks irl bro

How am I gonna be the guy to get tired after a 5 minute phone call or a hang out I need atleast 2 hours to reside in my mind listening to music

I know we call for 3 hours but lemme tell you a deep cheeky secret I’m really pushing myself

Yea I wanna be liek u my boy but I can never make it

Because I run out of ideas Or what I wanna talk about for so long loses me or I can’t find something to grip onto I just feel sucked dry like I get boring

Sometimes I just need like 10 minutes to myself to look at Pinterest okay bru

LIKE I COULD BE SUPER TALKATIVE DUDE I COULD EVEN OVERPOWER YOU

It’s just I dunno I feel dissatisfied for some reason

So I choose not to and I sortve choose to shut up

Yeah and like my dad I’m very picky I don’t like anyone in my space or messing up something (in my mind not they’re actually messing up something)

I’m not joking if you leave you laundry in MY laundry machine I will get super super angry Anger you have never seen before

I won’t even be Lider anymore I’ll be Ryan

The second anyone enters my room I get aggressive I don’t care about if you steal my food and right now I don’t care abt people leaving dishes because it’s not really MY house A more time accurate example would be like, let’s say you sleep on the couch instead of me and I didn’t know, or you touch my iPad

Or use my headphones

It’s actually more of like a contamination thing I CANNOT eat anywhere anyone else did and if I see your spit on my straw after you take a sip it’s yours now, if you borrow my iPad or my headphones don’t get offended when I pull them away and start wiping them with a baby wipe

It’s NOTHING against them it’s just like URGRGRGRGR WTFRICK Leads into my hatred for people eating beside me when it’s quiet

And I feel bad about it it’s not their fault they make noises when they chew I even get angry at myself, I trained myself to chew quietly I cant even watch my mom eat it makes me so irritated and I even start shaking sometimes I need to move LIKE ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS LIDER

The other day I gave her some of my pasta and I had to shield my eyes and put on my headphones because I knew it would anger me But I know it hurt her yk that’s a sucky feeling someone getting grossed out by you BUT IVE TOPD HER ALOT ITS NOT HER FAULT IT HAPPENS WITH EVERYONE THERES JUST NO WINNING

It’s more of the breathing and the natural noises then the chewing, I also breath quiet and everything

When I sleep I never snore, if someone snores I literally can’t fall asleep unless I leave the room or blast music which isn’t practical

PSH NO

But yeah I’d consider myself pretty good with sensory issues until it comes to that

Oh and yes I do walk on my toes

Like d.e

Me when I have to live a life instead of just making up complex worlds

I’m gonna think about them at work

Stay strong bro 👊