music to set the venting mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fc7-Oe0tj5k gosh, can I just have a stable life?! please?! I have moved e l e v e n times in 15 years. (tomorrow is my birthday, so i'll say im 15). So I've never really had a home growing up. My parents get along like oil and water, and I would always be in the middle of their conflicts, always having my feelings taken advantage of and weaponized. For the past s e v e n years, I've been interacting with child lawyers, a shitty therapist who made my mental health worse by gaslighting me, and a shitty psychologist who did nothing. The CPA was no better. But that's all done now, now I live with my dad and stepmom who actually treat me pretty nicely! I should be happy right!? Well apparently, turns out waiting for a life changing moment didnt take my depression and anxiety away. I think I've been doing fine, and my mental health is fine unless someone brings it up! I've been fine keeping to myself, online schooling, keeping awa

-y from society. Minus my family, the only social interaction I've had in the last 4 months is that one waiter that I'm k i n d a friends with, and that's ok! I can't tell anyone about my online friends because I'll have my ass kicked. So in my parents eyes, I've been self isolating, which I don't see the problem with. I'm trying to take time to heal, without the expectations of anyone. But I guess I'm too depressed and anxious for my parents to deal with! I guess I'll just be sent to rehab over the summer, and go back to live session school on May 10, which has its own set of problems. Lemme go one by one. YK how they told me I was going to rehab?! They told me it was m y fault for having c h r o n i c mental illness. I'm depressed because of chemical imbalances in my brain and trauma?! I SHOULD JUST BE HAPPY, THEN THE DEPRESSION WOULD GO AWAY! THAT SOLVES EVERYTHING, THANKS, I REALLY COULDNT HAVE FIGURED IT OUT! I have anxiety?! JUST TRUST PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY YOUR PARENTS WHO HAVE LET YOU DOWN MANY T

-IMES GROWING UP, LOL! What...the..****.?! Legit, nothing will fix mental illness and that's ok! Im happier than I ever was, just drawing on FA, making youtube videos, edits, mashups, just got a dog, etc... Why cant they see that Im happy?! I LIKE solitude, its not a punishment I give to myself. Interacting with others is hell to me, not being shut in by my own choice! wHy DoNt YoU hAVe FrIeNdS?! Well maybe I'd have some if I didnt keep moving away with you guys, and end up giving up making friends, and being completely apathetic to close relationships, I would have some! Maybe if I had some good friends who wouldnt use me growing up, maybe I would bother making some! But I dont, it all happened. The whole friends, get out of the house, not socializing will make you kill yourself bullshit ties into the school thing. My grades have been better than before in online schooling. I DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW I LOOK, HOW I TALK, WHAT ANYONE THINKS OF ME! I CAN SHIT IN THE PEACE OF MY ON H

-OWN HOME! I CAN DO MY CLASSWORK, WHENEVER I WANT, NOT BE AS RESTRICTED BY TIME TO FINISH IT! I WANT TO STUDY MATH IN SPANISH CLASS?! I CAN! I cant have my day sectioned out like that, it really ****s me up. In addition, I have hobbies that I can do now. I've always wanted to try editing, and making mashups, but I never could until I had school out of the way. I can talk to my cousin who is one of the only people I'm actually close to, virtually anytime! But nope, lets replace all that with fRiEnDs. "We need you more independent, so you will need to learn how to socialize! Without breaking down!" How the **** do they think I've gotten through middle school then? Crying every time someone talks to me?! NO! I can socialize, I just hate doing so! And no, I dont need to be a good talker, I just have to be an obedient slave to socialism, and I'll have a decent life! YALL READY FOR THE BEST PART?!

"We dont want you at home much anymore, you can stay at your future friends home because we need you to be comfortable with other people and be responsible" K, so you could have just said "Youre an annoying piece of crap and you should just leave the home before we kick you out", because that would just save you guys a lot of talking time. I'm not good enough for you guys? Yall want me gone at 15? I cant even. **** you guys. seriously. thats not going to improve my mental health. at all. the one time when I think I'm going to have a nice life, staying at home in Pennsylvania with a dog, a laptop and food, chilling doing my own thing, getting good grades and taking care of the home for at least another year until quarantine is over?! Nope, it lasted 6 months, back to shitty ****ing Maryland where my mom could assault me,I have to face people who know me, my "friends" who probably realize that they mean nothing to me by now. Back to shitty teachers, shitty public schools, and shitty memor

-ies that will pop out of nowhere, just be being near where my mom lives. Can I be "the quiet new kid" again? Just finish online school from my MD school and move it to PA?! That way I don't have a reputation anymore, and I don't have to deal with any of the above reasons why I dont want to go back to public MD school. I just want a fresh slate again, because I know that corona wont last forever. But at least I can get out of the repercussions of being a self centered person. Ever since this news has dropped, a few things have been apparent. 1) My suicidal thoughts are back. I can't go a day without having a minor inconvenience happen and then have it spiral out of control into "you know what would solve all your problems? Dying. Could you just kill yourself already? I mean, youre a disgraceful degenerate that only disappoints everyone." 2) I might never be able to post on FA or YT ever again. This is why recently I've been making actual quality art, because I want to be remembered for goo

-d art, not shitposts. This is sad to me because FA has been there for me for so many years and phases of my life. As much as I hate this shithole, it's been there for me, ever since I was, hold on, lemme find my old account.... SINCE I WAS 10 YEARS OLD! FOUR YEARS, I'VE BEEN HERE, FOUR YEARS! I've met so many people, made so much art and have gotten so attached... YouTube...I've got an internet son, my cousin who is supportive asf and looks forward to my releases and potential to make something... but I guess itll never kick off. yeah thats all.

ok but looks at her leather shorts, theyre so nice.