When I was young, my father died. Until several years ago, I didn't know how, but it turned out that he committed suicide. Ever since then, I have wondered why I even exist anymore.... I was suicidal to the point where I was placed in a mental hospital for a week. After I got out, I was pretty traumatized and hid every emotion I ever had. When I finally let all of my emotions out, I was then sent to a children's home for several months. It felt like military camp. I guess that those people don't understand what it's like to lose a parent to suicide. You feel like they didn't care about you enough that they made the choice to take their own life to get away from you...

I'm going to take a break for a few days and see if I feel better by then..