I took a shower earlier. Then I decided to turn it into a bath. It was warm. And relaxing. But... Warm and relaxing doesn't take the pain away. I really really wanted to just sink my head into the water and end it, but I started thinking about my mom, and family, and friends, and couldn't do it. I got out, and then almost instantly got into a heated conversation with my mom, thus increasing the pain substantially. I hate it so much. I wish I just took the opportunity when it presented itself, because I know I won't be able to do it now. I have too much time, too many thoughts, and rational thinking is really... not helpful. I just... I want it to just end already.